The Big Girl Table...

Last nite I walked and walked and walked...I had a lot on my mind so when I left work I just started walking north and decided when I got sick of walking I would hop on the 4 train and head on home...

As I walked the some odd 29 street blocks and 5 or so avenue blocks...I had a lot of time to think. I think, actually I know I was talking to myself. People probably laughed at me and pointed and said look at the crazy girl talking to herself.

A lot of self-contemplation and re-evaluation, taking in a beautiful evening in NYC, left me with "I am still ok with being with just me and being alone." Recently I have taken steps to allow someone to be part of my life, I am opening myself back up again - slowly very slowly.

But as I was contemplating all this I walked by Crate & Barrel and I thought about my good friend Carolyn and the Dining Room Table she just purchased from there (which trust me was a big huge decision she debated over for weeks - she wrote a whole blog about it). Her birthday being this past Saturday and her turning 27 - I thought about her life - married, a great husband, they have crazy fun and live life to the fullest, they have an amazing apartment in Brooklyn that they are making more adult - hence the new dining room table - "THE BIG GIRL TABLE."

And I am not saying I am looking for marriage because I am NOT but as I told Carolyn today I realized that I am not opposed to getting a "BIG GIRL TABLE" sometime soon.

Meaning - I am starting to be ready to let someone into my life - the guy i am with yesterday, today or tomorrow May not be the Guy I buy a Big Girl Table with - but I have to start letting guys back in.

I can't be a cold hard shell forever. Can I?
I had a taste of happiness with a man...it wasn't so bad...

Carolyn and I laughed today that if we can drink the BIG GIRL BEERS at Lederhosen (the liters) - then we should be ready for the BIG GIRL TABLES.

Sometimes life surprises you and scares you and you realize that you are growing up and that you are an ADULT.

I don't really know what all this means - my life isn't going to change tomorrow...not at all. I still don't want to get married, I just know that I have come to the point where I am Very Comfortable with being with Me and I like myself and its time to open that back up and come what may... come what may...