The Older you get, the Harder it is...

you start dating someone and you like them, you really do. They are nice, intelligent, good looking, head on their shoulders, good job, they make you laugh and smile, you can talk for hours, and you are attracted to them. BUT...something seems off, something is not there - you want to be with this person and you want to like them but there is just something holding you back.

Maybe it is fear, fear of being hurt. Maybe it is just plain old they are not the one for you. I think that is hard to admit - here sits in front of you this amazing human being that you should want to be with that you want to make it work with but....something is lingering in the back of you head or your heart saying no.

Maybe its the fact you are not over your ex and can't stop comparing or again maybe they are just not the one for you. When do you know? How long should you drag it out for? 3, 4, 5, 6 dates...see if things change? Give them a shot? because I am getting old right? Pickings are slim out there...

I just know there was one person in my life that I knew no matter what circumstance I threw him in, no matter where it was or who it was with - he would swim and survive and be himself - he wouldn't sink, he would hold his own with my eclectic grouping of friends and family. I am finding that hard to find again. And I keep comparing everyone to him. I need to stop. Because by no means was he perfect or even Mr. Right - because if he was wouldn't we still be together?

Not that I am looking for someone, not that I am looking to get married - none of that - I just wanted to say that the older we get, the harder it is... It seems your list of things you want or don't want in a man grow with every day and every date. And at what point do we become too picky? At what point are we soooo picky that we just end up alone? A friend of mine was telling me that she will just look at a guy and be like hell no! and her friends were telling her that she needed to start being less picky and give guys a chance that her "list" was too demanding.

Should we ever have to start being less picky? I really don't think we should, I think we should hold true to those things that we know that we want and we don't want. And if I end up alone...so be it... At least I held true to me.

But back to that guy that seemingly has everything on your list that you want but something inside you is like "eh nah, no thanks." Why is that? What is that?

Is it that I am not ready? that he is not the one? that maybe he is a rebound? that maybe he is just Mr. Right Now and not Mr. Right?

Many of my girlfriends are to the point where they are sick of the dating scene and they are trying match.com and eharmony.com or whatever. I have no issues with this - but for me personally it is not for me. I am a true true true believer in fate and true love. You know that serendipitous romantic old love story where fate brought you together to some certain time and place, crossing each others paths.... I am a romantic at heart. Ok maybe some could argue well fate brought me and him to match.com and that's how we met - true, an argument I could consider. But its not that old fashioned fate and bringing together like I believe in.

I am also a believer in you will know when a person is the "one." Like my parents, first time my dad laid eyes on my mom - he said who is that girl? I am going to marry her. I am not saying that instantaneous knowing has to happen for me, I am just saying I believe I will know in my heart when someone belongs there and when they don't.

I recently started dating someone and I am unsure about a lot of things, but I know one thing is true, my heart is not even open to letting someone in to try and belong there. I think I need to let the wall down a little bit because there are so many questions running through my head and maybe they are all legit or maybe it is just plain old fear and my good ole defense mechanism.

One guy - only one guy has truly gotten in my heart in the past few years. He saw me at my best and he saw me at my worst, we went to hell and back together and he will always be a part of me. Always be my friend.

For to me to move on and date, I need to work on letting myself be a bit vulnerable to matters of the heart.

the older you get, the harder it is...